This may be a bit of a rant.

Hi. I’ve been pretty quiet lately, huh? At first, I thought it was because I didn’t have an interest in writing anymore. I just couldn’t make myself sit down and tell you about the amazing time I had being in Hershey, PA for the first time or the spectacular things I’ve done around San Antonio or the once-in-a-lifetime trip I took to Peru and Chile. They sound like pretty brag-worthy events, right? They were. And we’re pretty good at bragging on this blog about the awesome stuff that we do. Even so, I just didn’t get excited about chronicling those experiences to share with everyone.

Seriously, though... Peru has some cool things to look at.

Seriously, though… Peru has some cool things to look at.

I’ve had a list of “blog topics” piling up in a note on my phone. Things like…

  • What I actually do at work
  • Hipster San Antonio
  • Week in Hershey
  • Wine tasting in Fredericksburg, TX
  • Austin mini-excursions

There’s one at the top, though, that I think was holding me back from writing all of the others. It reads,

  • Transition from being college kids to real people – expectations vs. reality

When I first typed it in, the meaning was pretty light. I was still figuring out my job, wandering San Antonio, learning what kinds of trips a salary could actually buy me (or not buy me), and trying to find some new friends in this place.

All is not lost. People play volleyball here.

All is not lost. People play volleyball here.

The truth is… I’m not very happy. I can brag about events I’ve attended and places I’ve been, but if, at the end of the day, I’m not ecstatic about my life status, I can’t bring myself to feign enthusiasm about those things.

Obviously, the best way to express that is through the very public space that is the Internet because it feels more anonymous than the complaining I’ve already done to the people who know me well. Whatever. It feels like home.

I’ll lay it all out at once: My job isn’t glamorous. I’ve learned how miserable and rude people can be. I miss Pittsburgh. San Antonio is made of roads and strip malls (*sing* these are not some of my favorite things). I miss my friends. Set vacation days mean that gone are the months of roaming around a foreign country. Texas is hot as hell and full of conservative meat-eaters. It’s just… This life is not me.

Whine, whine, whine… #FirstWorldProblems. I’m spoiled. I know.

The honest truth is that I am extremely grateful to have had the opportunities that I was given over the past year. I mean, I have a job. Not everyone my age can say that. Hershey has fueled my chocolate addiction for years, and now its taking a chance by bringing me in as one of its own.

Image Today, 9-24-13 PM

Try to find me!

I’ve moved across the country and met people that I hope to know for the rest of my life. I have learned, from my experiences here, what I truly want and need to be happy, and now I’m on a mission to get it.

Being thrown into “the real world” has probably been the biggest culture shock of my life, which you know is really saying something. Without the doubts and worries and hard days, though, I’d have nothing pushing me forward into the next big thing. Patience is being forced upon me, which isn’t a very “millenial” trait to have, but it’ll pay off. OR AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TOLD. (Patience is hard, y’all.)

Anyway, my rant’s over. I apologize for the stretch of silence. Now that I’ve been about as open as I can be about the current situation, I’m hoping to move on to the usual pretty pictures and airy anecdotes. If anyone has some sage life advice they’d like to throw my way, though, feel free!

– Alexa

3 thoughts on “This may be a bit of a rant.

  1. Ahhhhhh….. patience. Not either of our strong points, you and I. I apologize for the genetic predisposition and environmental influence.
    Buuuuuuuutttt….. try this:
    Remember when you had something planned that you were REALLY looking forward to? ( going to college, Argentina, Europe. You get the idea.) It seemed like it would never come, you had to keep living your daily life, studying, playing sports, hanging with friends and family trying to improve your life skills in the process. Well, this trying chapter of your life is just another waiting period until the next better thing. Know that the next better thing is coming, keep your eyes wide open, treat your job like a class your HAVE to get an A in, and enjoy the moments, don’t just look ahead to the finish line. It will come before you know it and you will look back on this time as a blip on the radar, I promise!
    You asked for sage advice. Who else but your Mom, right?
    Love you!

  2. Alexa, it seems to me that happiness is never caught when chased. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. It’s the little things, like a cold beer on a hot day, hanging with your friends, a good smash in volleyball. I’ve never had it burst upon me when I reached a goal I thought would make me happy. I think perhaps your generation can blame your parents and society a bit as well, because we spent a lifetime telling our children how special they were and building up their expectations of what they could and should do with their lives. As my daughter Elli used to say, there is no greater burden than high expectations.

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